My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
