started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
