god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
