Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
