The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
What a fucking waste of an outfit
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
Randomize