Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Randomize
