Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
