Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
