This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
