Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Randomize
