if you like me you must not know who I am
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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