There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
It's blow job season.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
