Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
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