The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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