do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
