I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
