Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
