There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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