Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Randomize
