I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
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