Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
We talked him into tasing himself.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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