So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
