When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
