Michael Bay diarrhea
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
