she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Randomize
