the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Randomize
