did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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