i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
