history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
