i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize