How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
