actually, I'm a sock model
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
