Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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