My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize
