Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Randomize
