I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
