Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
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