To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
