I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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