Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
