I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Randomize
