The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
