I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
You ate ashes out of my bong
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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