he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
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