I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize