We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Randomize
