Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
