the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Randomize
