For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Randomize
