I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
