she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
