there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Randomize
