hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.