I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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