Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.