Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said