Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Confessions From 23 People Who Have Been Hiding Terrible Secrets
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN