I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
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We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
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I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.