No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.