you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
