Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Randomize
