ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
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