Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Damn victory sex feels great
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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