So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
