If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
