I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
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