Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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