Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
