Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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