My room smells like vodka and shame
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
